There are days when things are moving forward and others where I feel I have lost direction...
Bellowing out songs from the seventies station brings about a grin, especially when Debbie serenades with her best "David Cassidy" moves, audaciously singing her rendition of "I think I love you," not missing a beat. Soon my smile fades and the conversation lingers back to the familiar confused chatter.
Last week, together with her therapist we attempted to aid Debbie in understanding how to follow written directions. It was heart wrenching to witness the confusion she felt when unable to untangle a word in her brain, or complete the action which was asked because it did not make sense to her. The reality check pushed us both, Debbie to frustration and me to masking the tears that were building inside and the concern, "will she ever get better?"
What she has gone through since her surgery is distressing to observe. The struggles she endures DAILY challenge everyone, often leading to both physical and mental exhaustion. Simple tasks are overwhelming and frustrating, and finding a new way for her to learn is on going. Often her words are tangled or even lost all together making any conversations grueling.
The following day my daughter and I went to lunch, while sharing Debbie's day with her, my eyes filled with tears, that candidly slid down my face. As I cried, Chelsea began crying too, broken both for her aunt and for me, we found our selves in the place where heartbreak brings you together. We gently began wiping away the tears and broke the melancholy with a giggle, imagining what the people surrounding us in the restaurant thought?
The ebb and flow of life prompted me to consider the blessings I have. Blessings that include lunch and tears with my daughter, a drive to Michigan to share life and laughter with friends and a place to come home to where the friendships with amazing women help mend your broken pieces.
Filled with trials and triumphs and paths that lead us in many directions while molding us into someone new along the way. With each struggle we expand our knowledge, growing into a more tender being. In time the tears soften and light surfaces, faintly at first, like a ship distant in the ocean, eventually flooding in with brilliance and encouragement to keep propelling us forward.
Each new day, another opportunity to learn and grow. Working through the challenging things while pausing to appreciate the beauty in the process. A dance that is ever changing, with new music and movement, slowly guiding us on our journey of life.