Just a minute of my time...

Ryan

In Memory of

Ryan Kenneth Zarlenga

12/7/87 - 2/23/93

In Memory of a Child

BY VACHEL LINDSAY

The angels guide him now,

And watch his curly head,

And lead him in their games,

The little boy we led.

 

He cannot come to harm,

He knows more than we know,

His light is brighter far

Than daytime here below.

 

His path leads on and on,

Through pleasant lawns and flowers,

His brown eyes open wide

At grass more green than ours.

 

With playmates like himself,

The shining boy will sing,

Exploring wondrous woods,

Sweet with eternal spring.

 

Yet, he is lost to us,

Far is his path of gold,

Far does the city seem,

Lonely our hearts and old.

How could it be 19 years when I still don't know how I survived one day without him in my life?

The definition of sweet, kind and loving

One of my favorite pictures, showing his shy, adorable self in that bugleboy shirt!

Remembering Ryan

Today Ryan would be 24 years old. It's hard to believe, since I only knew him as a sweet, small boy...

In keeping his memory alive I enjoy paying it forward throughout the day and sharing Ryan's story. This year we are also looking into building a scholarship for Ryan that will continue to keep his story and memory alive!

one of my favorites

Happy Birthday Ryan, hope your getting lots of cake!

Happy Birthday to Ryan!

He would be 23 today...

12/7/87 - 2/23/93

It's hard to believe that we only had him in our lives for 5 years.  How much he changed our lives in those five years, and continues to change it today. The shirt he's wearing  he loved it was the slogan for his school, buzzing through the 90's.  He wore that same smile most days of the week and brought so much joy into our lives.  We learned so much from this sweet boy and his life goes on through us all.

During the holidays pay it forward in memory of this sweet boy whose last Christmas was when he was 5 years old.  It was the day we got our Christmas tree and the woman at the tree farm gave him a $5 bill for his birthday.  That one small act left us a priceless memory for all these years!

I am thankful for...

thinking about Ryan lately.  Not that he's not always on my mind, but most times I have that "It's better to have loved and lost than to not loved at all" attitude.  Not today...

It all started when I found a box in the closet that contained a lot of his artwork from his school days.  In there was a calendar, one that marked the last year of his life.  As I scanned through the months looking for something to stand out, to make sense of it all, nothing did.

There were the usual doctor appointments marked, wedding shower plans for Lisa, 10 year high school reunion, Lisa's wedding, notes to call Natalie; our babysitter and so much more. It made for a bittersweet evening, until I came across this...

This sweet thing was made by Ryan and after picking it up and reading what he was thankful for I finally got to smile! 

I am thankful for..... Nintendo 

Thanks Rye!

Ryan

It's been 17 years

I remember...

• I grabbed his coat because they didn't take it in the ambulance
• It was early morning and we were asked into a room with several people including the doctors
• having my brother come along, what could they possibly want to talk to us about
• hearing the news
• Joel screaming at the doctors
• me running out of the room with a social worker following me
• asking her to leave me alone as I called my parents and cried for them to get to the hospital
• my father sobbing in the hallway
• my parents driving us home in the worst snow storm

I remember... the good stuff!

• Lisa trying on dress after dress and coming out and showing me as I lay on the couch
• Grandma Veber cooking in the kitchen (I think it was chicken noodle soup)
• Friends and neighbors coming by
• Trying to conquer Super Mario with Ryan as we played Nintendo
• laughing as we read the book "if you give a mouse a cookie" seriously they have the best drawings!  
• turning up the stereo and dancing around the house
• bugs bunny was the cartoon of choice (probably one of the only choices)
• he always ending a request with please.... "juice please"

I've shared Ryan's story here and keep his memory alive sharing his story through the Metro Hospital toy drive/book drive and other ways in paying it forward.  And while this has probably helped me more than its helped others there are some days that I just want to sit in the corner and cry out "why me?"

Ryan truly was this sweet boy only 5 years of age, that brightened our world.  Being a stay at home mom it was just him and me sharing our days together.  We did all those fun things you do with a child that you might think are simple or trite but oh what wonderful memories they behold today!  His teacher loved him at preschool, she said he had a calming influence about him.  We still keep in contact today... she too lost a son years later when he was in college.

 

Ryan was a lot like me, a quiet, shy child who didn't look to be center of attention.  We would walk through store aisles forever in search of something never wanting to ask for help.  Then along came Chelsea who was a total opposite of Ryan.  She was friendly, outgoing and became the voice for Ryan and I.  If ever we were walking through a store in search of something she would speak up to the next person passing by to aid us in our search.  As much as I hurt for my husband and myself, I hurt for her too, not having her older brother.

In 17 years you learn a lot too.  I learned that I would have rather loved and lost than to have not loved at all, that life is just to precious to hold grudges, that people say stupid things when your grieving or going through a rough time.  Most of the comments are usually out of ignorance and not meant to hurt.

So today, remember that life is too short for petty grievances, it hurts you more than it hurts the other person to hold onto grudges, and cherish every moment, the good and the bad because they are trying to teach you something... so pay attention!

I plan to spend the day paying it forward in my attempt to help someone else that may be having a rough time!

Book drive in memory of Ryan

Today was the day we loaded up the car and drove to Metro to deliver the books. My mom, sister, Chelsea, Ben, Zach, Lisa and myself made the trip down.   We ended up with two carts stacked with boxes of books, by the time we took this picture they had already gotten one of the carts upstairs.

 

The library they have set up in the PICU is already amazing and I'm so thrilled to have Ryan's memory be a part of helping it grow.

 
 There is also another library section for the teens in another part of the PICU where some of the books will be located.

 We took all the books in a room where they can be sorted

Then we headed up to 5C Intensive care where they took care of my brother Joe and took them up a fruit basket.  Some of the staff was still there and remembered us all and my brother Joe.

Thanks again to everyone who helped make this such a success!

It was a very emotional and uplifting day 

Book drive

In case you're wondering, or still wanted to send books, there is still time.  Yesterday I started sorting through some of the books I have here and got in touch with the child life specialist at Metro to set up a date to bring them out.  We are tentatively planning on the 15th of this month.

   

After I sorted them, I stamped them or put a label on them, depending on the type of book, that says In Memory of Ryan Zarlenga with the dates.  

I'm so excited with the turnout of books and donations we've received so far.  My sister picked up several of If you give a mouse a cookie series which were one of Ryan's favorites.  My cousin is friends with the author of the super diaper baby series and sent over several autographed copies, Brenda and Debbie in Michigan sent the entire Twilight series and Harry Potter series and  countless other books and monetary donations from family, friends and strangers.  Its such a warming feeling to see so many touched by Ryan and his story.

 

SIMPLIFY AND ENJOY LIFE

In Memory of Ryan

In February 1993 we lost our 5-year-old son Ryan from encephalitis from and unknown cause. You can read more about Ryan and what happened here.
http://ryzmomplus2.typepad.com/my_weblog/ryans-story.html
In two weeks on December 7th it would be Ryan’s 21st birthday and in memory of his birthday I wanted to do something sweet in a “pay it forward” way.

You see, last year I spent the week of Ryan’s birthday doing random acts of kindness in his memory. It felt good to give to someone else, no matter how small the act was.

What did I do? Several times I left an extra $5 (since he was 5 years old) at Starbucks, (or wherever I was picking up a drink or food) to pay for the next person in line. I’ve heard of people paying the toll for the person behind them, even a smile or holding the door… so many acts of kindness can go a long way for us all. The purpose is not for recognition, but randomly doing something to make someone else’s day a little brighter. (Because that was something Ryan always did)

Back to the reason for this note: I thought how special it would be to take a week, a day or a moment and do something for a random person in memory of this sweet 5-year-old boy.
So why not try it, I guarantee you’ll feel good about it!

Rain rain go away...

We have a busy weekend and rain wasn't to be a part of it???  Tonight is a Buckeye home game and tomorrow is the Kent game.  Not sure how either one will be?

We had such a nice time in Kent yesterday!  We visited with Chelsea, went to lunch at Rockne's and Chelsea's friend Jessica met up with us.  Then it was off to Walmart for more supplies Chel needed for her room.  We really need to find a Target in Kent... this is the most I've been to a Walmart in  YEARS!!!

After lunch and shopping we stopped in to visit Ben and then it was a race to get home in time to pick up Zach.  Needless to say I was late...

I returned home to find poor Shaggy had gotten sick all over my kitchen floor.  Once I began cleaning and investigation I found he had gotten down an entire bag of Carmel candy corn that was on the counter.  While cleaning Zach says "well now I know neither me or Shag like the Carmel candy corn"!  Thanks Zach! :)

Last night I went to a party at Kim's and we all made plans for another Michigan trip in October!  But before we went we had a little time and Deb and I watched some more of our home movies on the Mac.  We found the movie when Chelsea was first born and everyone came to visit at the hospital.  So amazing to see my father and Ryan in this movie, and how young we all were...

I started reading The other Boleyn girl and oh my!  From the first page I was hooked!  I wasn't sure if I would be able to get into this book, but once you start reading, there is no way you can't...

Old movies

Recently when cleaning out the closet in the Den we came across some old VHS movies.  They were buried in the back and we hadn't watched them in forever!  While our video player is on its last leg, I thought it best to have these videos made into DVD's.

Just over a week later they called me and I picked them up.  At the time when I took them in I hadn't even asked the cost or thought to drop off a few at a time so when they told me the total was $170 I was a bit shocked, but then glad I just got them all done at once.

Last night Joel and I put one of the DVD's in to see how it played.  Mind you all these VHS boxes had nothing written on them so we had no idea what we were watching. 

The DVD we watched last night was Chelsea's 2nd birthday and a bunch of time's when the kids took a bath.

The first time I saw Ryan the tears were coming down so quickly I couldn't see the movie, and to hear his sweet little voice...no words can describe.  And probably with Chelsea at college and missing her so much it wasn't the best idea to put these movies in.

Watching these two I laughed and cried.  Chelsea was singing her ABC's and one of her favorite songs was from Sharon, Lois and Bram, and she was only two. And Ryan sang so many songs and told stories. So glad for these videos as the first one we watched was worth the entire $170 that I paid!

Joel and I sat there remembering these days years ago when bath time was a 1 hour event that included playing, singing and funny hair styles. It was less than a year we had left with Ryan and we didn't even know it.

It was a reminder that we need to get out the video camera more often since now we barely take any videos.  Thank goodness we did back then...